Form Storm Norm Perform: A Formula for Happiness

In 1965, Bruce Wayne Tuckman, professor of educational psychology at Ohio State University, proposed a formula for group development, which proved to be very successful. It was based on four stages: (1) form, (2), storm, (3) norm, (4) perform.

The overall rationale of this formula is intuitive and common sense oriented. After forming a (supposedly) good team, members will have to get to know one another and interact a lot. Frictions will follow. It is only on the basis of these frictions that the group (if it is to last) will have to develop effective rules of common behavior and collaboration. Their rules will eventually lead the team to successful performance.

The beauty of common sense is that it is always there, and it has always been. Aristotle would have welcomed Tuckman’s formula as a good, simple way to educate friends, including those particular friends that we call husband and wife.

When courtship sparks up, a new and very special team is formed. However, the new friends need to learn who they really are: each one’s habits, tastes, values, relatives, etc. At the beginning, love is often superficial and ungrounded. “I didn’t know he was like this,” “She is not who I thought she was.” Broken relationships are paved with these and similar lines. Tensions reveal who the other person truly is and what s/he really likes and wants. True love requires that we accept our loved one and appreciate the good things that belong to his or her way of being and lifestyle.

First rule, “Never treat your lover’s little things as stupid, trivial or not important!” Second rule, “Never reject those little things, or fight against them!” But, of course, we frequently break that second rule.  So the third rule: “After you reject or fight those little things, find a way to accept and love them!” Many other rules of love and common sense will follow these. Without some “love rules” many friendships and marriages would not survive.